I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize