i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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