Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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