Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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