i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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