The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
