The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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