i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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