Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
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Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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