sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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