fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
