babies were throwing up all over the place
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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