The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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