I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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