Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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