Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
