there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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