check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
