he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
