my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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