We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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