I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
