I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
