this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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