I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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