If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
