Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
