Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
