I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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