My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
