The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize