he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
