So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
