You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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