break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize