dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
