Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
