It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
