I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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