May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
