No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
