got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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