So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
