marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
