Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
