I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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