hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
