Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I look better un-naked...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
