I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
