Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
