he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
