She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
