dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
