Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
