My friends, they love my intelligence
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am available for nakedness
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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