OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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