She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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