i barfeds in our rink
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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