That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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