no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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