I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
