There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
