The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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