dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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