I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
