come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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