why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
