If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize