so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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