i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
