if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He felt like a one man threesome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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