loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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