hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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