He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
