I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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