I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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