you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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