dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
