How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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