I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
