I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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