Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
