This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
