she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
