Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
