Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
