i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
cat food counts as protein by the way
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
