How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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