I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
