I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
