You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
