The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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