You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
